Our Father Favors Our Brother Over Us - II

Jealousy is misery and enmity:
Jealousy is common in children aged 1-5 years, but this emotion and feeling may be so overwhelming to the extent that it will disturb the child’s social adjustment.
In this case, jealousy is the origin of all the strange and abnormal behavior of the child, because, the jealous child can never feel safe or happy and his social interaction would be very little. He bottles up his sorrows until he feels that the whole world is working against him. This transforms the child into a source of trouble and misery for the whole family. However, we should note that jealousy takes many forms and all of them aim at getting attention.
Here are some examples of jealous children:
- He fights a lot with the other children and his behavior is aggressive
- He demands that his mother devotes all her time to him
- He is always bored, frowning and wants to be alone
- He is shy and does not have the courage to face the usual daily problems
We found that the feeling of jealousy is the cause of all of these problems. This feeling always arises from trivial reasons that were present in the child’s life when he was young. These reasons include the following:
• Ridiculing the child by giving him a funny or humiliating name.
• Birth of a new child and making him the center of attention of the whole family and neglecting the elder child.
• When parents show kindness to other children in front of their children
• Praising the child’s sister or brother continually and referring to him/her as the example that everyone should follow, in addition to highlighting the faults and failure of the jealous child
If the child had a strong jealousy problem during his early childhood, it is most likely that it will remain with him for the rest of his life. The jealous child cannot be in harmony with his peers and this disappoints him greatly. This in turn makes him feel that he is unlucky, neglected, and wronged. Hence, he would start isolating himself until he turns into an introvert.
He may fall prey to despair or become very violent to get attention. Over time, this feeling grows until it prevents him from sharing other people’s feelings and it becomes impossible for him to watch others’ success without showing explicit discontent. Of course, this attitude makes people hate the jealous and envious person and this causes him to believe that they mean to treat him badly. In most cases, jealousy transforms into an overwhelming grudge that can lead to the worst consequences.
Jealousy and selfishness:
Jealously is not intrinsic or inherent; rather, it is a result of the wrong upbringing. That is because the child will not suffer from overwhelming jealousy if he learns to share a toy with others or to share his parents’ love with others, as well as if he realizes that his mother has other responsibilities other than all of his wishes. However, some parents who like to arouse their children’s jealousy will do that through comparing the child with others, or vexing him in order to enjoy his jealous reactions. Such parents do not realize that they are laying the foundations of many future difficulties in their child’s life.
Always remember that the jealous child will be a jealous man who will envy his friends for their success. He will be almost unable to work with others and he will always complain that people do not appreciate him as they should. In short, he will be an individual who can never adjust to his environment.
Dr. ‘Umayr Al-Haarithi, specialist in child psychology, said,
Jealousy is a natural feeling in children and it sometimes takes different forms such as involuntary bed-wetting at night, involuntary eye blinking, stammering, desire to urinate at short intervals, asking his mother to carry him and to feed him with her hands, desire to use the nursing bottle again, speaking like young children, negativity, rejecting food, showing violence and love for destruction.
The mother should observe such behavior in addition to his behavior with his toys and his attempt to break them.
Dr. Al-Haarithi added,
To determine the remedy of jealousy, we must first know what causes it and then try to stop it. As the time of the second childbirth approaches, the first child is kept away from his mother who usually stays in hospital. When she returns home, she cannot respond fully to the desire of the first child to get close to her because she would be tired and wants to get some rest.
After resting, she starts looking after the baby and dedicates the majority of her time to the newborn. This is usually accompanied by a set of instructions that limit the freedom of the first child. The young baby is always embraced by his mother, while the other one goes sadly to his bed to sleep alone.
When the elder child grows up, he finds that he is punished for things that his young brother or sister is allowed to do without a reason, or for a reason he cannot understand. Comparison and unequal treatment worsen the problem of jealousy.
The young child starts harboring jealousy when his elder brother goes to school accompanied by one of his parents happily.
The perfect solution is to avoid any change in the daily schedule of care for the elder child after the birth of the second one and keeping away from the causes of jealousy because treating it is more difficult.
One of the basic factors of treatment is to pretend that all that the child does is normal and to show him love and respect.
The jealous child is usually unhappy, and his mother has to do her best to make him happy.
Consequently, we must avoid censuring him even if he hurt his young brother. All that we want to do is to make him play with his brother and help his mother take care of him.
The mother should avoid censure and replace it with love and compassion. If the involuntary bed-wetting happens frequently, the mother should ignore this issue and try to make him busy by giving him something like a toy.
She should even refrain from censuring him if he destroys the toys, because censure will only worsen the problem.
Symptoms of jealousy also include attempts to get attention such as thumb-sucking, involuntary bed-wetting, desire for destruction. Treating this situation requires defining the causes behind the feeling of insecurity, which is usually harbored in the subconscious. Hence, superficial treatment will not be successful.
It is very important to know the cause of these symptoms in order to achieve happiness for all members of the family.

Our Father Favors Our Brother Over Us - I

A child’s memoir:
I was finally born after nine months in my mother’s womb; that dark and narrow place that forced me to stay in strange positions. Later, I discovered that my birth was a happy event that my family had eagerly awaited and my mother was counting the days and getting happier as her abdomen got larger.
When I kicked her for the first time, she went hurriedly to my grandmother to tell her. Her only entertainment during the waiting period was sewing the clothes that I would wear in my new life.
They had long discussions about my name if I was a boy or a girl!
My mother started reading books about raising children and asked my grandmother about the pains of childbirth anxiously. Then, I was born.
They were very kind to me and my parents used to hurry whenever they heard me making the least noise. They spent many nights awake when I caught any common disease like a cough or stomach ache. They never stopped carrying, kissing and pampering me. Since my birth, I felt as if I had ascended the throne of their hearts. The bigger I grew, the more I felt their love and appreciation for me and I used to love and appreciate them in return.
In short, I spent happy days, during which I was the center of attention of my whole family.
Life was good in my eyes and I believed that my happiness would last forever. This distracted me from noticing that my mother’s abdomen was getting larger and I completely ignored the talks about the newborn.
After that, some changes started happening in my life. They transferred me from my bed, where I used to sleep since my birth inside my parent’s room, to another room and a new bed to make space for the newborn.
At this moment, I started harboring bad feelings towards the intruder that had disturbed my family life and I did not know that the worst had not yet happened.
My mother started speaking about the sex of the newborn and its name. I also found her preparing his new clothes and noticed that history repeats itself. I began watching this new development with interest in order to determine my stand.
Once I searched for my mother but I did not find her. I asked my grandmother, who had come to our house the night before, about her and she told me that my mother was in hospital to give birth to my little brother who would amuse me and play with me. In fact, this pleased me so much because I had actually been bored with loneliness.
When I heard the doorbell, I ran towards my mother and expected that she would greet me warmly. However, she met me calmly and I knew that she was very tired due to the delivery.
This new child occupied my father and mother and completely took their attention away from me.
Amidst this disappointment, I looked at this intruder and said to myself, “Is this the new child?
When this child came to the house, everything turned against me. This child completely distracted my father and mother from me. They only speak about him and play with him. I felt that their love for me has changed.”
One day, I saw my mother breastfeeding this child from her breast. You can imagine this; she gave him the part which was exclusively mine!
Since that moment, I had a feeling that I now call “jealousy”.
At the beginning, this jealousy was simple, because I thought that the child would only stay for a few days in the house. Once, I even said to my mother to take him back to the hospital because I had played with him enough. However, I later discovered that it was not that easy and that he was going to stay for a long time.
So, I decided to defend my entity and my status more clearly through beating and biting my brother. Sometimes, I would behave smartly by embracing him and applying pressure strongly to strangle him. In fact, this was a result of conflicting feelings of love and jealousy.
I often directed my jealousy and anger against my mother through breaking plates to anger her and get her attention at the same time.
When this behavior failed to get my family’s attention, I tried to get back to the happy days of my early childhood. So, I started sucking my fingers and wetting my bed at night. Nevertheless, all of this was fruitless.
Gradually, jealousy transformed into hatred and I felt jealous of whoever tried to compete with me. This transformed my life into a series of personal failures until I became an introvert who hates society and every successful person.
Even the sons of Jacob  fell prey to jealousy:
Jealousy is an expected feeling from a child who loses his parents’ attention and interest. Each child has emotional needs including his need for love, appreciation, success and coddling. Such needs should be satisfied, because the failure of the parents in this respect will give space for jealousy in the child’s heart, especially in case of having a newborn.
The Quran refers to jealousy in Soorah Yoosuf, when the sons of Jacob felt jealous of their brother. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means):{When they said, "Joseph and his brother are more beloved to our father than we, while we are a clan. Indeed, our father is in clear error. * Kill Joseph or cast him out to [another] land; the countenance of your father will [then] be only for you, and you will be after that a righteous people."}[Quran 12:8-9]
Consider how their jealousy drove them to the plan to murder their brother.
That is why the Prophet  used to command us to be evenhanded with our children to avoid this dangerous sickness.
The Prophet  said, “Be evenhanded with your children in [terms of giving gifts].” [At-Tabaraani]
Anas  reported that a man was sitting with the Prophet  when his son came to him. The man kissed the boy and placed him on his thigh. Then, a daughter of this man came and he seated her in front of him. Thereupon, the Prophet  said, “Would you treat them equally?”
Look at the following intelligent woman who was aware of the importance of treating all her children fairly. Anas ibn Maalik  said, "A woman came to 'Aa’ishah  and 'Aa’ishah  gave her three dates. She gave each of her two children a date and kept one date for herself. The children ate the two dates and then looked at their mother. She took her date, split in it two, and gave each child half of it. The Prophet, sallaalahu `alayhi wa sallam, came and 'Aa’ishah, may Allaah have mercy uupon him, told him about it. He said: 'Why are you surprised at that? Allaah has shown her mercy because of her mercy towards her children.'”
Allaah The Almighty had mercy upon that mother because she was compassionate towards her children by giving them precedence over herself, and because she treated them equally.

Smile to Make Your Children Happy

Lines from the diary of a child speaking about his happy childhood,
"My father was always cheerful and his smile never left his face, even in the most difficult situations. This smile meant a great deal to us as it revealed how much our father loves us. This smile used to force us to behave properly and avoid mistakes so as not to anger our father and miss his smile even for a second.
My father’s smile was the source of our psychological balance. It provided us with warmth, confidence, frankness and courage in the face of hardships. May Allaah reward him with the best."
Protagonists of the frowning approach:
Some parents and educators adopt the frowning method in dealing with their children. Hence, they avoid speaking with them cordially or smiling at them. They believe that there should be strict limits between parents and their children so that they can succeed in their upbringing.
They think that smiling and cheerfulness with children will spoil them, while frowning and sullenness represent the discipline and resolve that are necessary for any successful upbringing. Unfortunately, we are sorry to tell such people that this is the approach of the weak, who have not mastered the art of entering into the hearts, even the hearts of the closest people to them: their children!
People with great souls are the only ones who can always be cheerful with their children, while they control the process of upbringing in such a way that ensures their children are close enough to learn from them and obey their orders within a warm family environment.
The wise educator can direct his child through his smile and look, embrace him compassionately, and treat his mistakes with patience.
This little smile may be of great importance and influence on the child, especially that he receives it from his source of protection and role model.
Cheerfulness is from the guidance of the Prophet :
The guidance of the Prophet  regarding cheerfulness, is amazing. He was always cheerful and used to smile at his Companions. Jareer bin ‘Abdullaah Al-Bajali  said, “Whenever the Prophet  saw me after I had embraced Islam, he would receive me with a smile.” [Al-Bukhaari]
This was not confined to Jareer  as ‘Abdullaah bin Al-Haarith said, “I have never seen anyone who smiles more than the Prophet .” [Al-Albaani: Saheeh]
Umm Ad-Dardaa’  said, “Abu Ad-Dardaa’ used to smile whenever he spoke. So I told him to stop doing this for fear that people may think that he was simple minded. However, Abu Ad-Dardaa’  said, ‘I have never seen or heard the Prophet  speaking without smiling.’” Hence, he used to smile whenever he spoke in imitation of the Prophet .
The Prophet  was very, caring, thoughtful and compassionate towards children. It was never reported that he frowned at any child throughout his life; rather, whenever he met them, he would smile at them even if he was accompanied by his honorable Companions.
In a Hadeeth (narration) on the authority of Jaabir  he said, "We were with the Prophet  when we were invited to have food. On our way, we saw Al-Husayn playing with the boys in the street. The Prophet hurried and opened his arms. Al-Husayn started running here and there while the Prophet  was laughing with him. The Prophet  took him and put one of his hands on his chin and the other between his head and ears, then, he embraced and kissed him and said: 'Husayn belongs to me and I belong to him, may Allaah The Almighty love whoever loves him. Al-Hasan and Al-Husayn are two of the noblest of men.'" [At-Tabaraani] [Al-Albaani: Hasan]
The Prophet  also taught us that a smile may sustain others, especially those who are under our care. The Prophet  said: “You cannot please all people with your money, but you could do this through your cheerfulness and good morals.” [Muslim]
Is there any of us who does not need to please his children through his cheerfulness and good morals? Is there anyone who does not need to do so today, when he sees that the educator’s mission has become one of the most difficult on earth? The protection of children against immorality and other social problems have become issues that require a great deal of supplication and great balance in the personality of the educator, to be able to sustain his children and establish a successful relationship with them. This relationship serves as gravity that always attracts them to their good origins and strengthens them in the face of the wild storms of immorality that blow from all directions.
This is the default principle in dealing with one’s children:
Smiling at our children is the default principle as we learned from the Prophet  while frowning should be an educational punishment that should be used wisely and only when necessary. Certainly, cheerfulness strengthens the relationship between the educator and the child, while frowning causes the child to dislike his parent and weakens their mutual love.
‘Umar bin Al-Khattaab  said, “One should be like a young boy among his family, but when he is needed as a man, he should be so.” The meaning is that cheerfulness and good morals as well as joking with one’s family and children is the best way to lead them, provided that this does not affect the parent’s respect.
You may even use what is called (the angry smile) when you punish or blame your child as a form of silent-yet-effective punishment. The Prophet  taught us how to use the smile even when we are angry. Ka‘b bin Maalik  narrated his story when he did not participate in the Battle of Tabook without a valid excuse. He said, “When news reached me that the Messenger of Allaah was on his way back from Tabook, I was greatly distressed… I greeted him, he smiled, and there was a tinge of anger in that. He  then said to me: 'Come forward' . I went forward and I sat in front of him. He  said to me: `What kept you back?’” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim] Therefore, smile, dear educator!
Cheerfulness and smiling is important to have a calm child:
A sense of humor helps children get rid of the feelings of anger and embarrassment. It also spreads happiness in the house and warmth in the heart in addition to providing children with a feeling of safety that they would miss if their educator was one of those who adhere to the frowning method.
Good growth:
German psychiatrists’ studies proved that laughter from the bottom of the heart has a deep influence on the child’s growth during his early years. Based on the results of these studies, psychiatrists confirmed that laughter is as important as food and that the child who laughs much grows well.
Educational excellence:
Psychiatrists always stress the positive influence of a smile on the educational process. They say that fun creates a psychological environment full of happiness and satisfaction, and this releases the mental abilities to learn easily. That is because joyfulness prepares the mental abilities to expand and grow contrary to the environment of sadness and pessimism that gives a despondent impression about life.
Smiling attaches the child to his parents:
If your smile springs from your heart and expresses true love for and admiration of your child, then it will have a good psychological impact on the child and provide him with happy memories and strong love for his parents, particularly if they use eye contact to convey their true love and appreciation to him.
Dear readers and educators, this shows us that the more a parent is cheerful, the stronger his relationship with his children will be, and vice versa. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you.} [Quran 3:159]
Do not forget to smile at your child when he enters upon you… when you leave the house…when he leaves the house…when you receive him upon returning from school…when you enter upon him returning from work…do not forget to smile when you wake him up and let him see your smile before anything else.
When you put him to bed, do not forget to smile at him to have the best dreams ever. Smile when you ask him about his faults so he can feel safe and tell you the truth. Finally, smile to immunize your children against feelings of fear and sadness and to turn your relationship with them into an uninterrupted and wonderful series of successful communication. In such a case, they will respond to your directions and long to meet you. They will never think of doing anything that angers you, because they do not want to lose your sweet smile for any reason.

Our Children after Ramadan

Taamir and Afnaan sat with their parents in the living room having their lunch after Ramadan and ‘Eed had passed. Afnaan said to her father, "My father, why does Ramadan come only once?" The father replied, "I feel that you are attached to this blessed month, Afnaan." Taamir immediately said, "Yes, my father, we were competing in acts of worship and encouraging each other to pray and fast." The father then advised them saying, "You are right, but you should know that Allaah The Almighty accepts one's good deeds in Ramadan as well as in other months, and that the Lord of Ramadan is also the Lord of Shawwaal and all the other months."
Dear man who is responsible for the nurturing process, this simple dialogue between the father and his children expressed what goes on in the hearts of many children - even if their tongues do not translate it into explicit words and phrases. They feel that Ramadan has moved on with everything good in it.
Dear man who is responsible for the nurturing process, the month of the Quran and competition in good deeds has passed, but you must nevertheless teach your children that Ramadan is not the only month of worship that comes and leaves with its worship. No, rather, Ramadan is the month of change.
Building vs. outburst
Dear man who is responsible for the nurturing process, you must teach your children that Ramadan is the month of building faith, and not an outburst of faith. By an outburst of faith, I mean that the Muslim performs many acts of worship in Ramadan, and when it ends, he returns to his former state of negligence. Concerning this category of people, Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): #{And do not be like she who untwisted her spun thread after it was strong.}## [Quran 16:92] This verse likens the relationship of a group of people with Allaah The Almighty to a woman who started spinning a garment, and when she finished and produced it in the best style and fashion, she untwisted the fibers to become thread again and destroyed all her work that she painstakingly done. Building, however, implies performing a new act of worship that we did not do before Ramadan and maintaining its performance throughout the year till the following Ramadan comes. By doing so, the Muslim is in a continuous state of development. This is because it is a sign that Allaah The Almighty has accepted man's act of worship when He favors him with continuous worship after it. In other words, being steadfast on an act of worship is a sign of its acceptance.
Dear honorable man who is responsible for the nurturing process, if we held several sessions in which we taught our children prayers, fasting, generosity and other acts of worship in the past blessed month, we would have successfully utilized the child's high susceptibility to learning and change in Ramadan. The sign of your success in changing your child, however, is his steadfastness on the act of worship that you taught him even after Ramadan.
The way to steadfastness
Dear honorable man who is responsible for the nurturing process, we know that the sign of your child's change in Ramadan is his steadfastness in doing an act of worship that had not previously done, like prayer. In order to help your child constantly observe the acts of worship after Ramadan, try to follow these major rules:
First: Be a good role model for him. It was said that, "An action of one man in front of one thousand men is more effective than the saying of a thousand men to one man." Your child will not constantly observe an act of worship unless you are performing it regularly. There is no harm in taking him with you when you pray, or informing him that you are fasting, so that he will take you as a role model and an example. You should know that the children's eyes are uninterruptedly pinned on the actions of their parents, and Allaah The Almighty forbade us from behaving differently from what we say; He The Almighty Says (what means): #{Do you order righteousness of the people and forget yourselves while you recite the Scripture? Then will you not reason?}## [Quran 2:44]
Second: The Masjid (Mosque) is essential. Dear man who is responsible for the nurturing process, although you and your wife greatly influence your child, the influence of his friends is greater. This is because the child responds to his parents out of love and fear, but he responds to his friends in the Masjid out of love and conviction only. Furthermore, the believer increases one's faith when he gathers with others for worship. Allaah The Almighty addressed the Prophet  and every Muslim to stay with righteous people; He The Almighty Says (what means): #{And let not your eyes pass beyond them, desiring adornments of the worldly life, and do not obey one whose heart We have made heedless of Our remembrance and who follows his desire and whose affair is ever [in] neglect.}## [Quran 18:28]
Practical tips to help your child be steadfast on worship
1- Use the method of praising whenever you see your child perform prayers regularly or hastening to do an act of worship that he began doing in Ramadan. It is preferable that you praise him before his friends and peers or during family gatherings. Praise has a great impact on the spirit of children. For instance, when the family gathers after Ramadan, tell them in his presence, "Do you know that Taamir started to pray since the past Ramadan and he learned it perfectly?"

2- Use the method of evaluation forms in which the child marks the box of the prayer he performs, and whenever his performance is steady and improving, you can reward him, even by giving him a simple gift.
3- Regularly remind him of the reward of the act of worship he has learnt and the great merit that Allaah The Almighty has prepared for the one who does it. Mention a Quranic verse or a Hadeeth concerning this act from time to time, and if you know a story of young Companions or Taabi‘oon (their successors) who constantly observed this worship, relate it to him.
Dear Muslim, if your child does not get anything from Ramadan except this act of worship that he has learned, you have attained a great achievement. May Allaah make your child a comfort for your eyes and the eyes of your wife!

My daughter and the inaccessible fort

Like a wonderful butterfly and a beautiful flower, she joyously moves here and there, creating an atmosphere of happiness and pleasure. Whenever I see her, my heart and eyes fill with great delight. Once, she had a fever because of a sore throat -- a common childhood disease -- which made her little body become feverish. Her temperature kept rising until it reached about 41 degrees. Rushing to the doctor with five-year-old Suhaylah, her mother did not stop supplicating Allaah The Almighty for her and reciting Sharee‘ah-approved Ruqyah (supplications for healing) and invocations for her sick child all the way in the car. Suhaylah was mumbling deliriously because of her high fever. What did she say during these moments of delirium? She was saying, “Recite the Quran for me! Recite the Quran for me! Whoever loves me let him recite the Quran for me!”
Did this young girl realize that the Quran is her resort during such a hard time and her fort where she seeks protection?
Many of us may have faced a similar situation where the sick or fevered child in particular recites Quranic verses or urges those around him to recite for him as Suhaylah did.
What are the implications related to a sound upbringing in this situation?
1- Responsibility of engraving on the hearts of children:
One of the strongest indications in this situation is that the hearts of children are so pure and so quickly affected and ready to receive what adults inculcate in them. Hence, the responsibility of adults before Allaah The Almighty is great. The Prophet  said: “Allaah will ask every caretaker about everything that was entrusted to him, whether he preserved it or wasted it.”
Imaam Al-Ghazaali  said,
The child is a trust with his parents and his pure heart is a precious jewel that is free from any inscription or image. He is ready to learn anything that he is taught and to incline to what people around him incline to. If he is accustomed to doing what is good, he will continue to do what is good and will be happy in this worldly life and the Hereafter. Everyone who taught and participated in raising him will share the reward with him. If he is accustomed to doing what is evil and is neglected like animals, he will be miserable and doomed. The caretaker and guardian will bear the sin. No matter how important discipline is to preserve the child from the fire of this worldly life; it is worthier for the caretaker or guardian to preserve the child from the fire of the Hereafter by refining and disciplining him.
The behavior, interests and appearance of the child are a result of the upbringing of parents. For scholars of Islamic upbringing and ethics, it is an unquestionable fact that the child is born with a sound innate inclination to Tawheed (Islamic Monotheism), the creed of belief in Allaah The Almighty and the original state of purity. If an atmosphere of sound upbringing at home, righteousness in society and a believing educational environment are provided to him; undoubtedly the child will grow up holding firm belief and virtuous morals. 
2- Importance of the child’s early years in upbringing and building his character:
In his early years, the child learns many more things than expected by his parents. Customs can be acquired easily at a younger age where 90 percent of the upbringing process takes place in the first five years. The importance of early childhood “pre-school or pre-discerning stage” is highlighted when we know that the human childhood period is longer than the childhood of any other creature. The childhood of humans is characterized with purity, flexibility and soundness of disposition. It lasts for a long time where the parent can instill what he wants in the child. The child adheres throughout his life to the values that he was brought up on and accustomed to. What the child receives in his early childhood delineates the basic features of his future character. It becomes difficult to change these features even if they are undesirable. Margaret Mahler said that the first three years of every person’s life are considered a new birth.
As Allaah The Almighty made parents responsible for the creed of their child, He made the child learn only from his parents during the stage of his early childhood. The child sees his parents as a high example in every respect, so that he cannot believe anyone other than them. Hence, Allaah The Almighty fortifies the child from the effects emanating from outside the family in his early childhood. Sincere parents carry out their duties assigned by Allaah The Almighty, who also made the child depend upon his parents in every matter during this period.
Moreover, in this period, the child tends to satisfying and complying with his parents in order to hear words of admiration and praise. Knowing this fact, it is obvious that parents should utilize this period in building up the aspect of faith in the child's personality and disciplining and teaching him in the proper way.
Ibn Al-Jawzi  said, “The best discipline is that which takes place at a young age. If the child is allowed to behave freely; brought up without discipline, it becomes hard to put him on the right path later.”
So, parents and mentors should forget the sentences, which are usually stumbling blocks in the way of disciplining many children, such as “they are still young” or “when they get older, they will know the right way.”

Our Children and Quran in Ramadan - II

Parents will also receive the greatest reward:
With regard to you, dear fathers and mothers, you will certainly receive a great reward and endless happiness if your child memorizes the Quran. The parents’ efforts to make their child memorize the Quran will not be in vain. Listen to the Prophet  who says:
“The Quran will come on the Day of Judgment like a pale man saying to its companion, “Do you recognize me? I am the one who made you stay up at night and made you thirsty during the day. Today every merchant is after his merchandise and today I am for you behind every merchant.” Then he will be given dominion in his right hand and eternity in his left, and a crown of dignity will be placed upon his head, and his parents will be clothed with garments which far surpass everything to be found in this world. They will say, “O Lord, how did we earn this.” It will be said to them, “Because you taught your child the Quran.” [Al-Albaani: Saheeh]
Advice of the experts:
Ibn Khaladoon referred in his Al-Muqaddimah to the importance of teaching the Quran to children. He also confirmed that teaching the Quran is the foundation of teaching the other curricula in Islamic countries, because it is one of the greatest rites of Islam not to mention that it strengthens the creed and deepens faith.
Imaam Al-Ghazzaali  recommended in his book “Ihyaa’ ‘Uloom Ad-Deen”, that “The child should be first taught the Noble Quran, then Hadeeths (narrations), then stories of the righteous people, and then some religious rulings.”
In his book “Tarbiyat Al-Awlaad fi Al-Islam”, Dr. ‘Abdullaah Naasih ‘Ulwaan said, "Our vigilant righteous predecessors used to send their children to educators to teach them the Quran before anything else. That is because this helps them master classic Arabic and purify their hearts and souls, in addition to deepening faith in their souls."
The beginning should be at home:
Dear caregiver, you have a great role to play in helping your child memorize the Quran as proved by experience. One of the memorizers of Quran refers to the great role of his family saying, "My parents drew my attention to the importance of memorizing the Quran, as they used to implant the love for Quran in my heart and encourage me to memorize it. They also used to refer to some relatives and young men in the neighborhood who memorized the Quran and excelled in their studies. They also told me many stories of some relatives who succeeded in their practical life due to memorizing the Quran."
Without this encouragement, the child will fail to memorize the Book of Allaah The Almighty. Listen to this young man whose family did not pay attention to teaching him the Quran during his early childhood expressing his suffering, saying, "Unfortunately, no one directed me to the importance of memorizing the Quran during my early childhood; therefore, I faced great difficulty in memorizing it after graduation.
Nevertheless, I will continue by the Permission of Allaah The Almighty. I have now memorized five Ajzaa’ (plural of Juz’) of the Quran, and I will keep up, Allaah willing. "
Learning at an early age is like engraving in stone:
Some parents may say that their children are still young and do not understand anything. However, let me say to them that despite difficulty in memorizing at an early age, once the child memorizes something at this age, it will be engraven in his mind like engravings on a stone. It will be difficult, but it will last for a long time.
Teaching the Quran to the children since early childhood is recommended by experts in this field. Dr. Al-Ma‘saraawi, the Head of the Egyptian Council of Quran, says, "A child should start memorizing the Quran at the age of three or four to be able to finish it at the age of eight. During this period, his mind is usually free from all cares and worries, which facilitates memorization of the Quran and it stays in his mind for the rest of his life."
Difficulties:
With regard to the difficulties that we face in the process of memorizing the Quran, a female teacher of the Quran said,
The most important difficulty is the weakness of the children’s abilities and their failure to achieve the desired progress in addition to dyslexia. Nevertheless, I know the best methods that suit each child and achieve the best results. In fact, children are very different, some of them do not memorize without beating, while others only need little instruction. It is natural to maintain a strong connection with the parents to encourage them to take care of their children and follow up their progress with them.
Sometimes, I meet parents to coordinate with them regarding what they should do.
Another female Quran teacher says,
One of the major problems is that children want to play all the time and do not realize the greatness of what they are doing. However, I try to overcome this problem through encouragement and prizes (chocolate and so on) to reward excellent children. Encouraging words also have great influence. For example, when a child memorizes well I supplicate for him saying, “May Allaah bless you” or, “May Allaah make you like the great Companions, or like the people of the Quran who are the close servants of Allaah The Almighty.”
When the children hear these words, I feel as if light flows from their faces. I do not like beating. Instead, I punish the children who do not memorize through showing anger for a while.
At the end, here are some practical steps that will help you put your child on the right track:
• Sit with your child everyday to read a page from the Quran using the repetition method, namely, you read and ask him to repeat after you. The imitation method is the best way to teach your child the correct pronunciation of the Quran.
• Bring a tape or a CD for your child that contains the chapter that you want your child to memorize recited by a good reciter.
• Search for a teacher to teach him the Quran as of this Ramadan. This is better, because parents may get busy, while the teacher will be dedicated to this purpose.
• Follow-up is very important and you should always ask the teacher about your child’s progress. Reward your child with a present or some sweets whenever he achieves progress, but never forget a good word.
We ask Allaah The Exalted to make our children from the people of the Quran and to make them the coolness of our eyes in this world and the Hereafter.
Our Children and the Quran in Ramadan - I

Our Children and the Quran in Ramadan - I

Facts and news:
The first piece of news: An eleven-year-old boy from the Croatian capital Zagreb memorized the whole Quran. A Zagreb-based newspaper said that the child, who is still at the primary school, has memorized the whole Quran in five years and that he used to spend four hours a day in memorization of the Quran.
The second piece of news: A child memorized the Quran even before learning how to read or write and even before understanding its meanings. So, he memorized the whole Quran, Al-Arba‘een An-Nawawiyyah, Tuhfat Al-Atfaal and 30 poetic verses of Al-Jazariyyah before the age of nine and that was the result of his family’s keenness on teaching him and his good relation with his teachers.
My dear caregiver, these facts and news are about Muslim children from all over the world. Allaah The Almighty raised the ranks of those children and rewarded their parents greatly because their children memorized the Quran. Would you not want your child to be like those children? Would you not like to receive the reward of Allaah The Almighty when your child memorizes the Quran?
Dear caregiver, we are now in the month of Ramadan, when Allaah The Almighty eases worship to be a starting point for all of us. During this blessed month, we should get our children accustomed to learning the Quran and begin with memorization of the Book of Allaah The Almighty. Therefore, I will shed light on the virtue of memorizing the Quran and the correct methods that we should use in teaching it to our children.
He has definitely won:
Dear caregiver, let us take a quick tour through the prophetic Hadeeths (narrations) to know the great reward, sublime status and enormous benefits that your child will receive when he learns and memorizes the Noble Quran.
The Prophet  said, “The nobles of my Ummah (nation) are the carriers of the Quran (the ones who memorize it by heart) and the people of the night (the ones who observe night vigilance in worship).” [Al-Albaani: Saheeh]
Your child will have a noble status among people, as the Prophet said, “Verily, Allaah elevates some people with this book (i.e. the Qur'an) and abases others with it.” [Muslim]
However, if learning the Quran had no reward but being among the people of Allaah The Almighty, it would have been enough. The Prophet  said: “Indeed, Allaah The exalted has people from among mankind” The companions asked, “Who are those people?” The Prophet answered: “The people of the Quran; they are the people of Allaah and His elite…” ‎ [Al-Albaani: Saheeh]
To those who are keen on making their children memorize the Quran, let me give you the following glad tidings: You should know that the person who memorizes the Quran will not only be successful in this world, but he will be also successful in the Hereafter. Let us listen to a young woman speaking about her experiment in memorizing the Quran,
The Quran has been my road to guidance, because it is the best guide for Man in all life affairs including knowledge, dealings and manners. I felt the influence of memorization of the Quran on my whole life. My grades before memorization were “pass” and “good”, but after memorizing the Quran, I got “very good” and “excellent”. Of course, all of this is a result of the blessing of the Quran.
As for the reward of your child in the Hereafter, Allaah The Almighty and His Messenger  promise the people of the Quran a special status on the Day of Judgment to the extent that everyone else will wish to be like them. The Prophet  said: “It will be said to the companion of the Qur'an on the Day of Judgment: `Recite and ascend [in ranks] as you used to recite when you were in the world. Your rank will be at the last verse you recite.” [Al-Albaani: Saheeh]
Furthermore, the Quran will intercede for your child on the Day of Judgment, when everyone will be in need of a single good deed, not to mention the whole Quran. The Prophet  said: “On the Day of Judgment, the Quran will petition Allaah to cloak the companion of the Quran with garments of honor and respect. A crown of honor will then be placed on his head. The Quran will then petition Allaah to give him more. Allaah The Almighty will then give him the garment of honor. The Quran will then petition Allaah to shower His pleasure on Him. Allaah will then become pleased with him.” [Al-Albaani: Hasan]
Moreover, we are now in the blessed month of Ramadan, which is the month of the Quran, as Allaah The Exalted Says (what means): {The month of Ramadan [is that] in which was revealed the Qur'an, guidance for the people and clear proofs of guidance and criterion.} [Quran 2:185]
Hence, this is a month during which Allaah The Almighty eases recitation and memorization of the Quran.
Our Children and Quran in Ramadan - II