Three steps to a happy life

Happiness is the universal goal of people from all walks of life – be they philosophers of a high intellectual caliber or unlettered laborers -- everyone strives in search of happiness and looks for ways to escape the worries of life.

However, most people achieve only partial or superficial happiness, which provides temporary relief from their problems. In order to search for everlasting happiness that will lead a person to true success, one must keep an open heart and mind, as the wise one is he who searches for the truth and adopts it immediately.

1.      The most important means of happiness and the foundation of all felicity is to have sound belief and perform righteous deeds.

Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {“Whoever works righteousness (whether male or female) while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter).”}[Quran,16: 97]

Allah The Almighty promises whoever possesses sound belief and performs righteous deeds that he will have a happy life and will also be rewarded in the eternal Hereafter.

The reason for this is obvious: those who have the correct belief which leads to righteous deeds, reformed hearts and refined manners have the basic foundation that they can refer to in any event – regardless of whether these are matters which cause joy and happiness or sorrow and dejection.

The Prophet  described this quality of the true believers when he said: “How wonderful is the affair of the believer! All of his affairs are good and this is the case for nobody except a believer. If he is blessed with prosperity he thanks (Allah) and that is good for him; and if he is afflicted with adversity he perseveres and that is also good for him.” [Muslim]

The Prophet  informed us that a believer's reward would be multiplied many times over, regardless of whether what befalls him brings him joy or sorrow.

2.      Keep oneself busy in performing beneficial deeds and acquiring useful knowledge.

By doing so, one's heart is diverted from whatever causes it grief and sorrow, to the extent that a person may completely forget his worries and unhappiness and become happy and energized. This is something that is common to believers and others, but the believer is distinct due to his belief, sincerity, and his hope for reward while learning or performing beneficial deeds. If this deed is an act of worship then he will receive the reward for it, and if it is a worldly task which is accompanied with a good intention, such as working for the sake of being able to worship Allah The Almighty better, then this will have a strong effect in removing his anxiety and grief.

3.      Concentrating on the tasks at hand, not being anxious about the future and not crying over the past is another way of attaining happiness.

This is why the Prophet  sought refuge with Allah The Almighty from anxiety and sorrow. Usually, a person experiences sorrow due to what has passed and cannot be retrieved, whereas grief is due to anxiety for the future and the fear of what may happen.

A believing slave of Allah The Almighty should live for the current moment, focus, and exert the utmost effort to utilize his time in the best possible way. This will enable him to accomplish his tasks and forget his sorrow and grief. When the Prophet  made a particular supplication or guided his nation to do so, he would also encourage them to exert efforts to obtain what they supplicated for and shun everything which might prevent the prayer from being answered.

As the Prophet  said: “Be keen to do that which will benefit you, rely on Allah, and do not be lazy (by not exerting effort) and say when a problem befalls you: ‘If only I would have done such and such, then the result would have been such and such’ rather, one should say: ‘This was decreed by Allah and He does what He wills.’ Saying ‘If’ opens the gate for Satan (to cause discontent).” [Muslim]

Waste not excessively

Have you ever gotten upset when you weren’t able to buy something that you really wanted? Or, have you ever bought something that you could have done without?

The answer to these two questions is yes, an unequivocal yes. It is pat of our human nature. We want and we desire constantly. When we allow this to go unchecked our desire for more becomes insatiable and overtakes the dictates of our souls.

Any kind of addiction or extreme act emanates from our desire. Satan ever whispers to our Nafs (self) to go after our desires. He encourages us to be greedy and to overindulge ourselves. In this way we become slaves to our desires instead of in control of them. One enslaved to his desires cannot freely and truly worship his Lord. It is a matter of our Eemaan (faith) that we hold ourselves back from wasteful spending.

If we find difficulty parting with our money in times of charity, then we know we have become victims of over-consumption, or excessive spending. The Prophet, , said: “Cursed is the slave of gold and silver.”[Al-Bukhaari] When we allow ourselves to lust after money, then we know the shackles have tightened.

Money and power are always aligned. Like sirens they call out to our desires. Today, the media is their infamous recruiter. It constantly throws in our faces more things to desire and to get and to admire. This only leads to further blinding ourselves from our purpose in life, which is to worship Allah. Allah Almighty warns us by saying (what means):“Competition in [worldly] increase diverts you (from the more serious things).” [Quran 102:1]

We must remind ourselves that worldly desires are mere illusions, transitory pleasures, that Allah is testing us with.  Allah Almighty warns us of this by saying (what means): "Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children – like the example of a rain whose [resulting] plant growth pleases the tillers; then it dries and you see it turned yellow; then it becomes [scattered] debris. And in the Hereafter is severe punishment and forgiveness from Allah and approval. And what is the worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion.” [Quran 57:20]

Guard yourself from greed

As consumers we must be mindful of Allah and thank Him for blessing us with the financial ability to purchase the things we need. Remembering Allah when shopping will help us humble our hearts and be grateful for all that he has already given us. This can help prevent us from becoming upset when we are unable to buy something we want.

We must also seek to instill in spending habits of the Islamic practice of moderation. I cannot stress enough the importance of the Prophet Muhammad’s  injunction to the Muslim Ummah: “Eat, drink, spend, and dress without extravagance or arrogance.”[Al-Bukhaari]

We must strive for a balance between the extremes of spending too much (Israaf) and being stingy. The righteous are “those who, when they spend, do so not excessively or sparingly but are ever, between that, [justly] moderate.” [Quran 25:67]

This verse encourages moderation and balance in our spending. Instead of succumbing to our habits of spending on ourselves, we ought to give more than we take. When we give for the sole purpose of pleasing Allah we purify our souls. The Prophet, , was the most generous of men and gave the majority of his belongings away. The Prophet, , understood what was real and what was passing: He valued his humility, the afterlife, and his connection to Allah over worldly pleasures.

When we become entangled in the superficial, our materialistic values will override our spiritual connection to our Lord. We must guard ourselves against this and instead spend our resources and time so that we may increase our spiritual wealth. This is the struggle against the Nafs which our beloved Prophet Muhammad  always emphasized.

Striver for good deeds that will multiply themselves rather than hoard worldly goods that will perish into the earth and become dust.

Your Future is in the Hands of the Best Planner

Motivational speaker and author of several self-help books, Denis Whitley has said, "Losers live in the past. Winners learn from the past and enjoy working in the present towards the future."  We can develop a positive attitude towards our future by refusing to dwell on past hardships, realizing that they cannot be changed, and knowing that stressing oneself over them is useless as well as foolish. We must train ourselves to shun depressing thoughts and reject feelings of fear and anxiety over what might happen in the future.

All future events and circumstances, whether good, pleasant, evil or difficult are impossible to predict and are totally under the control of The Almighty and All-Wise; none of the slaves of Allah The Almighty have any control over them. All we can do is to strive hard to achieve virtuousness and prevent harm from befalling us.

A believer should rely on Allah The Almighty for favors and wellbeing and be content with his lot in life. This makes the heart tranquil, improves his general circumstances and removes anxiety and grief.

A beneficial way of dealing with anxiety about the future is to use the supplication of the Prophet, , in which he used to say: “O Allah! make my religion easy for me by virtue of which all my affairs are protected, set right for me my world in which I live, make good for me my Hereafter which is the resort to which I must return, make my life a means of increase in achieving all types of good, and make death a relief for me from every evil.” [Muslim].

Also, his saying, : “O Allah! I hope for Your mercy, so do not leave me to myself even for (as short a time as) the blinking of an eye and rectify for me all my affairs. Nothing is worthy of being worshipped except You alone.”[Abu Dawood]

If one repeatedly utters these supplications with a sincere and attentive heart, while simultaneously striving to improve his future, Allah The Almighty will certainly respond to the supplications and grant success.

On the other hand, being emotionally prepared for hardships reduces the harms that result from sudden afflictions. Being in a state of preparedness also reduces anxiety, since the anxiety will be replaced by enthusiasm to get the very best out of the situation in a manner that minimizes harm as far as possible. The best way to handle a situation that causes fear, sickness, poverty, or loss of cherished items, is to stay calm and then prepare to face the worst of it, because expecting hardship and acquainting oneself with it reduces its impact, especially if at the same time one keeps himself busy by striving to prevent it as much as possible.

Of course, this is only in addition to completely relying on and putting one's trust in Allah The Almighty. Complete reliance on Allah The Almighty is the primary source of strength that helps one face afflictions and helps to gain the reward from Allah The Almighty for his perseverance.

One of the most effective cures for the diseases of the heart (whether physical or emotional) is having a strong, resilient heart that is free from anxiety and imaginary illusions brought on by evil thoughts. This is because when a person succumbs to his imagination, his heart begins reacting to it. Therefore, if one is unduly worried about sickness, anger, harm, evil and the loss of loved ones, this will affect the heart and make a person more anxious and fearful, and result in physical and emotional diseases of the heart. These thoughts may even lead to a person having a nervous breakdown, which has serious health repercussions.

Hospitals are filled with people who suffer from delusions and morbid imaginations; even strong-hearted people have been affected by this, let alone the weak-hearted, and this has led many of those who have been affected by this to do countless foolish and ridiculous things. However, the one who is safe from all this is the one whom Allah The Almighty has granted the ability to struggle against his desires and engage in beneficial acts which strengthen his heart and expel anxiety and grief. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {“And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him.”}[Quran, 65: 3], meaning He will suffice him in all that concerns him, in worldly matters as well as those of the Hereafter.

Mockery is a disease from Jaahiliyyah

Allah The Almighty forbids us from mocking people as He Says (what means): {O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them}[Quran 49:11] Adh-Dhahhaak  said, 

This verse was revealed when members of the Banu Tameem delegation were mocking the poor Companions like ‘Ammar, Khabbaab, Bilal, Suhayb, Salmaan, and Saalim the slave of Abu Hudhaifah, may Allah be pleased with all of them, because of their shabby clothes. But there are other opinions as well. It was said that this verse was revealed when ‘Ikrima ibn Abu Jahl  came to Madeenah as a Muslim and the people there would call him the ‘Son of the pharaoh of this Ummah’ whenever they saw him. So, he complained to the Prophet  and this verse was revealed. It was also said that this verse was revealed when Thaabit  ridiculed a man because of his mother in Jaahiliyyah [pre-Islamic ignorance] and the man was disgraced.

Commenting on this verse, Al-Qurtubi  said, “Allah says here that those who believe in Him and in His Messenger  should not ridicule other believers as they may be better than them. Also, women should not ridicule each other for the same reason.”

He also said, “Allah is referring here to all sorts of mockery in this prohibition for the believers. Hence, it is impermissible for any believer to mock another believer: either for being poor, or for a sin that he has committed, or for any other reason.”

Al-Qurtubi  added,

In general, no one should dare to ridicule another person even if that person was shabby, handicapped or inarticulate, for that person may be more sincere or may have a purer heart than the one who is not shabby or handicapped or inarticulate. In this case, ridiculing such a person would be despising someone whom Allah has honored. The righteous predecessors were keen on avoiding this to the extent that ‘Amr ibn Shurahbeel  said, “If I saw a man suckling a goat and laughed at him, I would fear that I might end up doing the same thing.” It was reported that ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ood  said that affliction depends on what a person says. Hence, he said that if he mocked a dog, he would fear that he would be turned into a dog.

In his commentary on the verse (which means): {But you took them in mockery to the point that they made you forget My remembrance, and you used to laugh at them}[Quran 23:110], Al-Qurtubi  said that this verse is a warning against mocking, despising or ridiculing the weak and the needy to the point that it would make us forget remembering Allah and would thus keep us far from Him. In a Hadith on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah  she said, “I said to the Prophet  ‘It is enough for you that Safiyyah is such-and-such [meaning that she was short].’ The Prophet replied: ‘You have said a word that could adulterate the water of the sea if it were mixed with it.’” She also said, “I once imitated a man before him [ridiculing him] and He said: ‘I would never like to imitate anyone, even if I were to get such- and-such [a reward for it].’” [Abu Dawood and At-Tirmithi]

Another example is when Abu Tharr  abused a man by calling his mother bad names, the Prophet, , said to him: “O Abu Tharr! Did you abuse him by calling his mother bad names? You still have some characteristics of Jaahiliyyah in you.”[Al-Bukhaari]

In a Hadith on the authority of Umm Haani’  the Prophet, , said about the verse (which means): {and commit in your meetings [every] evil}[Quran 29:29] that they used to despise and mock people. [Ahmad and At-Tirmithi]

The polytheists of Makah like Abu Jahl, Al-Waleed ibn Al-Mughirah and their likes would mock ‘Ammar, Suhayb, Bilal and other poor believers; hence, Allah The Almighty revealed the verse (which means):{Indeed, those who committed crimes used to laugh at those who believed.}[Quran 83:29]

It was said that ‘Ali  was once walking with a number of Muslims and some hypocrites mocked them and they exchanged derisory glances. When they returned to their people, they said, “We have seen the bald one [i.e., ‘Ali ] today.” Hence, the abovementioned verse was revealed before ‘Ali  reached the Prophet,  to inform him of what had happened .

Sarcasm and Derision are Forms of Mockery

Sarcasm and derision are forms of mockery. An example of this is when one derides another for being poor, handicapped or for committing a sin. Moreover, calling people by offensive nicknames is another example of mockery. Al-Qurtubi  said that calling people by offensive nicknames means calling them by names or attributes that they hate. Allah The Almighty generalized this rule and did not specify certain nicknames. It is impermissible for any Muslim to call his fellow brother by any nickname or any attribute that he hates. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them.} [Quran 49:11]

There are several stories as to the revelation of this verse. Anas and Ibn Zayd  said that the abovementioned verse was revealed when some of the wives of the Prophet, , ridiculed Safiyyah  for being short. It was also said that this verse was revealed when ‘Aa’ishah indicated by her hand to the Prophet, , that Safiyyah  was short. Moreover, ‘Ikrima and Ibn ‘Abbas  said that this verse was revealed when Safiyyah bint Huyayy  said: “O Messenger of Allah! The women ridicule me and say to me, ‘O Jew...’”All these examples show that calling people by offensive nicknames is a form of mockery. They were mentioned in the verse as a way of mentioning the specific cases after the general rule in order to emphasize its importance. The scorner is the person who harms people by his tongue, while the mocker is the one who winks with his eyes. Ibn Kaysaan  said that the scorner is the one who hurts others with bad words, while the mocker is the one who points to others with his eyes, his head and his eyebrows.

The Difference Between Mocking and Ridiculing

There are two differences between them. The first is that ridiculing can be done by deeds or words, whereas, mocking is done only by deeds. The second is that ridiculing is usually preceded by an act that causes its doer to be an object of ridicule, while mocking is not preceded by such an act. Mocking is usually accompanied by words that are uttered with a bad intention. It occurs when the person seems to be serious while he conceals joking. As-Saffaareeni  said, “Mocking people and ridiculing them are prohibited because Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them} [Quran 49:11] Moreover, the Prophet  prohibited this in many Hadith.”

Ridicule and the Germs of Arrogance and Pride

Only those whose souls are impure because of arrogance and pride ridicule others. They endeavor to hurt others because of the feeling of superiority that runs in their diseased veins. Satan ridiculed Aadam (Adam)  and said, “I am better than him” and so he became a loser. Had he thought carefully of the characteristics of Aadam  he would have realized that Aadam  was superior to him. Mockery is one of the diseases of Jaahiliyyah that should be avoided, especially at times of conflict and disputes. It is one of the characteristics of the disbelievers and the hypocrites that leads to the disunity of the society. In fact, it is an overt violation of the Commands of Allah The Almighty, and it keeps one away from the pleasure of Allah. Moreover, it makes one forget to remember Allah and causes him to be inflicted with His punishment.