Beating the Child

“My children do not listen to anything I say. What should I do? Although I know that it is a wrong method, I usually scold and beat my children. I usually feel angry with them and then with myself. I can not bear this type of life; there must be another solution.”
With these words, the sighs of the hopeless father who beats his children ended. He is confused between those who see that beating is the only solution and those who accuse him of neglecting his children and make him feel regretful. Due to the travails of those who assume the responsibility of the upbringing of children, I write these words:

Beating in the Eyes of Child-care Experts:
• 10 percent of parents harshly scold their children and do not see anything wrong with this
• 20 percent of parents severely scold their children but do not wish to do so. They are looking for a better way to discipline their children.
Even if I doubt these figures because I believe that the numbers are much more than this, few parents use beating correctly as a means of punishment.
Specialists still have different opinions about the efficiency of punishment through beating. They also disagree whether or not this is an efficient practice employed in a sound upbringing. However, most of them believe that beating does not change the child's behavior. Rather, it is just a temporary remedy for the child's bad behavior, but in fact it teaches the child nothing.
Given this logic, specialists divided the parents' methods in punishing their children into three different methods:
1. The impulsive method:
This method is also known as the “day-long” method. Mostly, this method is a reaction of the parents to their children's behavior in their daily life. This is commonly used with young children in particular. Their parents are not quite serious when they beat them violently. They often pull their children by their clothes with one hand and move the other hand in the air. In most cases, the beating is symbolic and the child screams thereafter and then returns to play again. This is the so-called "beat the child on his hand" method.
Many parents rashly use this method when their children do something wrong, like touching the electricity cord and similar actions. The children are excused because they neither know nor imagine that this is harmful. The parent should explain to his child why touching such things is not allowed and this justifies beating. Then, the parent should keep such things away from the child or keep him away from them and hence, the children will imitate him. If parents simply resort to beating, children too will just learn how to beat.
2. The anger method:
It is the most prevalent and the most harmful method. When you get angry and then scold and beat your child, this leads to a number of problems, including teaching your child how to provoke you and make you angry, and that his bad behavior causes you to lose control over yourself. Scolding and beating in moments of anger is impulsive behavior and is often a reaction to the child's bad behavior. If you scold your child and beat him when you are angry, you are unaware of what you are doing and you may harm your child.
When you scold and beat your child if you are angry, this creates negative feelings. Actually, you create these feelings inside yourself, your child as well as the rest of your family members. Such feelings could destroy your child's self-confidence due to extreme fear of parents and feeling that their parents have no confidence in them. Besides, the Prophet  forbade us from getting angry when he said:“Do not get angry.”
When you scold your child or beat him when you are angry, you mostly do so out of revenge. Thereafter, your feeling of guilt gets more and more severe until it finally explodes.
3. The planning method:
Although it is rarely used, this is the third method used by parents and it is the best method for those who want to punish their children through beating. It is when a parent talks to his child about an episode of bad behavior and tells him that he will be punished with a beating if he repeats such an action again. Say, for example, “If you use bad language, you will be punished by a beating.” When your child talks obscenely, you are required to quietly beat him. Quietness is crucial here because if you are not quiet, this means that you are using the anger method in punishing through beating. This method involves the implication: “beating you hurts me more than you.”

The mother of my child

I'm not a mother. But I've been blessed with a great one for almost a quarter century. That's education enough, at least for one thing:
Choosing a partner who embodies the top four qualities I believe a mother must have to help their Muslim children, in the words of the Quran (which mean), {"He made her grow in a good manner…"} [Quran 3:37]. So here they are:
1. Maturity: This trait leads my list because the surest way to guarantee a child won't be reared properly is for it to be raised by another child. A woman of minimum maturity cares for the souls that have come from her womb like the Heavenly blessings they are: Far and away, the most important family responsibility for both mother and father. The wise woman knows the wellbeing of her offspring comes before her career, social life, even her own needs.
2. Knowledge: Education, both Islamic and academic (not that these are different), is essential in a good mother. It is not a coincidence that children of highly educated parents often do well in school. My prototypical mother is one who can help the little ones with their academics even when they get to be big ones and go on to higher education.
Moreover, a woman who is well grounded in the religious sciences makes the very best soil for child growth. That old adage about mother being the first teacher is entirely true.
During my own childhood, for instance, my mother made an effort to treat birthdays and our many other market-driven holidays just like any other day. I intend to liberate my children accordingly, having freely lived the great benefits of this policy. A good Islamic background does, indeed, have a righteous domino effect on the character of our children and, therefore, the virtue of the family.
Now, Islamic knowledge means more than giving children a laundry list of "do’s and don’ts." I was particular when I used the phrase "religious sciences" regarding a good mother's education, for a mother, like a father, needs to understand how it is that we come to judgments, practices, and jurisdictions from the Quran and Sunnah. In this way, children will not merely accumulate disconnected outcomes but learn the processes by which they are to deduce their own conclusions about moral and religious issues, instead of blindly following a person or group.
3. Patience and mercy: I really can't think of more crucial human characteristics than these twin attributes. Mothers facing the frenzied pressures of our tough social environment profoundly need both. It is critical that a good mother refrain from hitting or veiling at her children out of frustration, of which there is much to go around. Children carry the emotional scars of unnecessary and unfair beatings with them into adulthood and often develop complexes and hold grudges against their parents because of this. Additionally, it is sinful for any of us to abuse our authority in the form of harmful physical or verbal abuse.
4. Role modeling: The mother I envision for my own children is, most of all, a role model, an integrated example of Islam in motion. For it is by this that she will best represent for her children how one lives as a whole human being. It is, moreover, the preeminent, most dependable way for her to gain their sovereign respect, on top of the natural feelings they have for her as their mother, which is important. Children should live thinking that their mother is close to perfect. She can't forbid her child from listening to hip hop music, for example, while she sways to R&B or Arabic songs. Part of modeling is also literal: She dresses modestly and carries herself with the dignity a Muslim woman should.
This is not only ideal for daughters but sons, as well. The girls learn how they ought to behave and the boys— along with that—begin to understand what they should really want in a wife, someone whose merits approach the high standard they have grown up with in their mother.
I have no illusions about being able to supplant a mother's role in the life of the children I pray that God gives me. For rearing a child correctly does, indeed, take an exclusive dedication from a "real" woman.
Yet just as mothers grow proud of' their children, so too daughters and, perhaps, especially sons, swell with a unique sense of honor when they begin to realize the worthiness of their mother. Soon, they will be looking around to see how other mothers treat their children and comparing it to their own situations.
I ask Allah to grant me, and all my unmarried peers, children of the righteous who esteem their mothers. I know no human being is perfect. But good Muslim mothers (mom!), you come closer to this than any of us.